Feb. 22 1947
Pm (am?)
Dear Emily,
This morning I became a
bigger personality. I could only race
hurriedly through your (my) letter before
my laboratory (refuse to have them half-
read) and from then until I quit at 1pm
(for the weekend) I was one great bundle
of impatience so badly did I want to get
at that letter -- read it slowly, seeing beyond
each word and phrase in turn.
All through your childhood,
as I "remember" it, ran a strain of the feeling
that I had for mine -- but certainly can not
tell you what exactly.
I saw Emily -- indescribable Emily --
today, more clearly than I have ever seen her --
surely more completely than I shall ever know
another human being.
I saw a little girl, in bed, floating
drowsily off, in spite of herself from a world
she loved fearfully. I saw her, (I tell you, just
as plainly as if I'd been the cop on the corner)
tag hopefully after her brother -- rejected,
but hoping her enthusiasm might triumph
in consent at last. I looked into her eyes -
wide with the anticipation of a hundred
great things to come about on the next block,
the empty lot -- the park. I saw the emerald pin
pointer of excitement come to those eyes
on Sunday when her "big sister" took her
about town. I saw her looking at the bears -
the elephants wondering why such things
should look so friendly and warm -- why they
should remind one of kindly people -- known.
I find her wishing these animals could talk-
if only to her- simply because it would be a
Great thing to see a big, friendly bear talk.
I see in her face -- some of awe,
some of fear, as when one awakens at night
- puzzled, then realizes and is shocked
to numbness. But I see a great deal of
curiosity and a great deal of reaching,
longing -- some excitement.
I see her looking out the window
on a dark, rainy day, feeling the strange joy
and love of rain -- the tight, warm seclusion
it brought.
But best of all I see the "larger"
Emily now -- older -- more intelligent -- perhaps
more wordly; but having retained every bit
of the open heartedness and eager
thankfulness -- the very purest of emotion-
as when that little girl looked gratefully up
at the dark-skinned man and hugging her kitten,
wondered what, besides being black, made him
a "negro".
I'll remember this letter all my
life -- to remind me that I have not fully realized,
before today, just how stoutly I have taken you
to my heart -how fiercely (until it almost aches,
like my arm). I want to hold you (figuratively,
for now) and tell you, "I am here, Emily", which
you will understand, will be saying, "I understand
every puzzled thought you have ever had as if
it had been mine -- for in a way it really is mine.
Even as do not have an answer for each of
my own questions, so you must not expect
me to have one for each of yours. But knowing
this -- you also know you need only indicate
some puzzlement, some thought, some
observation, some strange hurt to have
yourself explained to someone -- and so
need never be perplexed with the impossible
labor of language and explanation.
But, perhaps as much as that, I want
- were it possible-to say, "Don't be afraid,
or hurt, anymore. Let one who can feel them
just as deeply as you can, bear them for you-
the one who sees in your being free of them-
more compensation that is at all necessary-
simply he- because you represent a choice and
important bit of humanity to him -- because
we are much alike -- and you the finer,quietly
greater of the two. Let me do this for this.
greater reason:
Tomorrow got lost for me a long
time ago -- but today, because of you, I see
it just ahead again, clearer, brighter, more filled
with the old possibility of triumph than ever
before. You have created it -- in your quiet
voice, you have lured the lonely hurt,
hidden from the uncomfortable crevices.
And what one creates -- one owns -- whether
or not one likes it. Therefore, let me start
what I can never accomplish -- repayment.
If I could speak to you tonight,
in all sincerity, that is what I'd say to you,
Emily Greatrex.
Love
George
P.S. "The Smallest Ward"
letters through April 17, 1947
- from another correspondent, January 6, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, February 19, 1947 (handwritten)
- from George to Emily, February 21, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, February 22, 1947 (typed) (current letter)
- from George to Emily, February 23, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, March 14, 1947 (typed)
- from Emily to George, March 23, 1947 (typed)
- from Emily to George, March 24, 1947 (typed)
- from Emily to George, March 29, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, April 5, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, April 6, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, April 7, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, April 7, 1947 (typed)
- from George to Emily, April 7, 1947 (handwritten)
- from Emily to George, April 9, 1947 (handwritten)
- from George to Emily, April 10, 1947 (typed)
- from Emily to George, April 15, 1947 (handwritten)
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